It's hard

It's hard to love someone without getting loved back the same way. hmm.. like i said. It's hard. dunno how long my weak heart can tahan. Everytime is just hot and cold. How to love you fully when you don't even open up your heart and let love in? Care you, den let you say i cheong hei. fine. won't CARE anymore. still. You're the one i think of before going to bed, heart feeling uncomfortable and insomnia everytime until i know you're home safe. couldn't deny there's a part in me that's very protective. Always say u can take care yourself, always meeting out with stranger, but didn't u know that there's a lot of bad guy that will take advantage of you just like that? they can make you drunk, or they can even put drug inside your cup and make u knock off? U didn't know cause maybe u never experience before. how easy it is to get my hand on drug and drug some random lady and take them home if i want to. Sigh, suan le ba. who am i to be taking care of you till this extent of level. i Couldn't even take care of myself.

You'll never know how it feels till it hurt.

Stucking around by your side whenever you need me. Disappear from your sight whenever i'm not needed. not being some1 special eventhough i tried hard. but it's okay. :) love is not something you give out and expect to receive something else back. i well known myself is not prepare for you. i'd got no aim in life, i'm currently jobless, well. not rich, and spirit all broken down like a piece of shit at home only. failed my exams, which suppose to be my last light to life. hmm... feel i couldn't acoomplished anything in life. i feel so useless. :'( and i couldn't do a shit to help it.

how it feels like when we had our wings

Others say, you're too wild, too easy going, everyguy come also ngam. come on. give it a break, u're just 20 going on 21 right ? :) i know how it feels when you started to fly. All you want is to go high and higher and higher.. want to go all out. party, rebellious, drink until you can't remember how u get back, just drink yourself away for the night, 1st round 2nd roucd, 3rd round.

i believe every1 that come out to 'meet the society' also got that moment before trying to settle down. Ya, even a bird also settle down, after they lay their eggs right? then busy finding worms for their chicks and throwing them off tree branches to teach them how to fly. Everything happen for a reason. Just to let you know, you're the reason why i slow down since the past year. but seems like you're just about to pick up to higher altitude that moment. we're both going on different side of the slope, one rise another drop. taking us both to different spot in the end. slowly setting apart, we talked lesser, hang lesser, laugh like hell lesser, maybe you've met another few rising slope along the graph as well? but is okay. :)

who knows, you might be a sinusoidal wave. started off at 0 slowly rise till peak and drop back to 0, then toward the negative peak again and back to 0. don't worry. i'm at the negative peak now and hopefully soon will rise back to 0. and making sure i'm there to catch u when u go down to negative, and help u to get back to 0. thats apart of life arent it?

Goodnight. :'( i really miss you.

how it feels like when we had our wings

Others say, you're too wild, too easy going, everyguy come also ngam. come on. give it a break, u're just 20 going on 21 right ? :) i know how it feels when you started to fly. All you want is to go high and higher and higher.. want to go all out. party, rebellious, drink until you can't remember how u get back, just drink yourself away for the night, 1st round 2nd roucd, 3rd round.

i believe every1 that come out to 'meet the society' also got that moment before trying to settle down. Ya, even a bird also settle down, after they lay their eggs right? then busy finding worms for their chicks and throwing them off tree branches to teach them how to fly. Everything happen for a reason. Just to let you know, you're the reason why i slow down since the past year. but seems like you're just about to pick up to higher altitude that moment. we're both going on different side of the slope, one rise another drop. taking us both to different spot in the end. slowly setting apart, we talked lesser, hang lesser, laugh like hell lesser, maybe you've met another few rising slope along the graph as well? but is okay. :)

who knows, you might be a sinusoidal wave. started off at 0 slowly rise till peak and drop back to 0, then toward the negative peak again and back to 0. don't worry. i'm at the negative peak now and hopefully soon will rise back to 0. and making sure i'm there to catch u when u go down to negative, and help u to get back to 0. thats apart of life arent it?

Goodnight. :'( i really miss you.

#1

Missing u everynight and making myself wondering whose is the lucky guy that running through your mind instead of me, heh. seriously, its killing me softly bit by bit. Though, i still hope u can see what i did for u, and what i ask for is for u to be happy. Guess that how stupid i am huh? :) Definition of love for me? as long as she is happy. that's all that matter. if i couldnt be the one that provide u such thing, i will sincerely wish u found it on some1 that worth your loving. :') seriously nothing can put a fucking big smile on my face just by looking at you.

Things to wonder?

Today, she asked me. What will change in her life if she got a bf now.
Well, I answer her these few.
1st . U will lose some of your freedom but gain more love in exchange
2nd. U won't be going out drinking like is no tmr unless ur bf is same or worst drinker than u
3rd. U will have more emo days and happy days. Cause of arguement , fights, jealousy and how the ways he tam u back
4th. U'll get fatter no doubt ��
5th. Lesser pig dog friends and flies around u
6th. U'll get engage and marry soon if ngam key.
7th. U'll break a lot of guys heart un intentionally
And lastly, I won't be bugging u and finding u often edi.

Though, what i really want it to be and tell her is
1st. I'll give u all the love in this world as long as your heart loses it freedom and stay with mine.
2nd. Definitily will be drinking together until we grow old. XD
3rd. The same as above but I'll be the one that think of every single trick to tam u until u'll forgive me. ;)
4th. I'll cook good food for u every morning when u wake up and dinner served when u're back from work.
5th. Lesser pig dog friend around us. As i'll prove myself worthy enough to take care and love u until the last breathe of air I breathe in.
6th. I wanna marry you an grow old with u someday . :)
7th. you'll break my heart if the one I mention that do all those things with u wasn't me.
8th. I'll really leave u alone if your heart wasn't with mine. But you'll always be something else in my heart. Cause dumbass, i really fall for u but I didn't know u're blind enough to not notice it or what. Even though I know I'm not good enough for u. And what I have Now isn't as good as what your other options have. But give me some times cause I ain't playing horse in this matter anymore. Really hope to earn enough money to open a wedding studio and u can manage the sales while me , refine my photography skill and become the photographer . X) simple yet happy life.

But what I only can do now, :) heh, is like how I'm treating u now. Maybe rough on the surface but just want to let u know I'm all soft inside and what i want u to be is happy and safe.

P.S 玩暗恋真辛苦。

love game

Eventhough i know you're not that type of girl that will be sticking around talking about forever. but i just couldn't give myself a reason to give up. :( feels as if its the game i used to play, but right now, instead of me playing it, u had me playing in your's. sighh,... what to do what to do. jealousy kill me T_T couldn't stand it. isn't it that hard just to find someone to love and be loved?